“You’re Right, Mommy!”

I’m climbing out of the hole of exhaustion that is my 2 year old’s  now unpredictable nights. She started out so good– the best newborn sleeper the world has ever met. The first 6 months were so golden. Then things were bad until a year. I thought we’d fixed things until the recent madness started. In fact, I should be in bed right now because she has a cold and who knows what the hell will happen tonight.

Five nights a week, we are good. She sleeps 12 hours beautifully. Put her in her bed, shut the door, don’t hear from her until morning. It’s the other 2 nights a week that are the problem. Half the time it’s night terrors– 30 minutes of screaming and not reacting to any attempts to comfort her followed by her being WIDE AWAKE and not very happy. The other half of the time she wakes up disgruntled because of a wet diaper. Or maybe it’s gas. Or maybe it’s teeth. Whatever it is, she won’t go back to sleep for hours.

She was up 2:30-6 am Tuesday for gas? Teeth? Gas and teeth? Nothing? A con job? A diaper? I don’t know. I took her downstairs for a little while, then put her back to bed for 90 minutes. She tossed, she turned, she cried. I didn’t sleep. I finally brought her to our bed. She tossed, she turned, she climbed. I didn’t sleep. Finally at 5:30 am I threw her at her dad snapping “GET HER AWAY FROM ME!” Clearly good mom behavior. BEST mom behavior.

But seriously, if she kept me awake another second someone was going to get hurt.

She fell asleep on my husband 30 minutes later. Which is as infuriating as it is a relief.

The next day I let her sleep until 9:30 when I woke her up for a playdate. I fully anticipated napping when she napped later.

Only she didn’t nap later.

How can you be up from 2:30-6 am and not nap later? How?

It defies the laws of toddler nature.

And it’s not like I didn’t give the nap a valiant effort– we drove for 45 minutes, she was in a crib for 2 hours, I cuddled with her for 30 minutes. That’s 3 hours and 15 minutes of attempts to get this child to nap and NOTHING. She was wasting both our times. We could have been doing something fun. Or sleeping. But no. Let’s just aggravate us both by playing around in your crib. I’m surprised poop warfare was not employed.

Two hours later we were driving to dinner and I hear her little 2 year old voice saying, “I tired. I so tired.”

To which I responded, “You wouldn’t be tired if you’d taken a nap like I told you to. Or at least slept at night. Or both.”

I swear to God this next part is true! She responded “You’re right, Mommy.”

Damn right, I’m right.

I don’t know if she knew what she was saying so much as responding the way I do to some of the things she says, but either way it cracked me up.

I hope she knows I’m right for real and naps the next time she gives me a rough night. Or even not a rough night. Or better yet, how about no rough nights at all? Is that so much to ask?

(Yes.)

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