I Only Threw Up a Little

Dr. Toy Warden, also known as The Berated Professor, has taken over potty training Rose because I’m utterly incompetent. It took me more than 2 years to potty train Lily and I couldn’t get a drop out of Rose on the toilet. I don’t think I have a good personality for potty training. I’m way too easily annoyed and the kids can tell even if I fake not being upset that they’ve had their millionth accident of the day.

I’m not sure what’s happened or how he did it, but after two days with Daddy Rose is doing much better with the potty and may even make it to preschool on time (2 1/2 more weeks!). Dr. Toy Warden may blog about how he did it later, but one moment of potty training will forever stick in my mind as a moment of comedy even though I wasn’t there to witness it.

Rose had two really bad poop accidents while in underwear early on. Apparently it made the hugest most disgusting mess Dr. Toy Warden has ever seen. Poop was all over the floor. He has a really wimpy gag reflex and still gags every time he changes a poopy diaper after FIVE years of having this duty. While diapers are pretty awful, I have never once gagged.

Dr. Toy Warden has a notoriously weak stomach. He was known for his vomiting exploits after running in college. When he runs a race, he always pukes afterward. He doesn’t think throwing up is a big deal. He goes to work with stomach flu and has actually neglected to tell me he’s sick with food poisoning or stomach flu in the past.

This is baffling to me because to me throwing up is pretty much the worst thing that can ever happen. I hate every single part of it. I always think I’m going to die when I’m vomiting.

Which is why it cracked me up when I learned that he threw up while taking care of one of Rose’s horrible accidents. My mom was in town visiting and both of us were horrified for him that the poop made him throw up. He didn’t even make it to the toilet. He threw up on the floor right next to the toilet. I haven’t not made it to the bathroom since I was a little kid.

“But I only threw up a little,” he said.

Throwing up “only a little” clearly makes the incident far less horrible somehow.

Whatever the case, it’s possible that the drama of seeing that her poop made Daddy throw up MAY have triggered Rose into putting her next poop in the potty. I suppose a little throw up was worth it if that’s what’s getting Rose potty trained, but I’m glad I’m not the one who had to make the deposit.

In fact, I’m “not allowed” to potty train anymore. Dr. Toy Warden will be potty training Violet. Man, am I ever disappointed.


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