Sometimes I think my husband was born on another planet, or at least another country. The other country part does have some basis because he was raised by South Korean immigrants and, thus, some of the typical American childhood experiences most of us assume everyone has had, he missed. For example, when we met, he’d never had a milkshake.
And no, he didn’t have a food allergy. He’d just never had a milkshake. (I guess my kids haven’t had milkshakes yet either, but Lily has a dairy allergy. I must get some coconut milk ice cream and fix this.)
I didn’t realize until recently how poor his ice cream knowledge was. We took the girls for ice cream and dairy-free fruit freeze after a trip to the park (They are starting to expect this and demand it if we were planning it. Uh oh/yay.). I ordered a vanilla soft serve cone dipped in chocolate. It had been forever since I’d had one and it was extraordinary. Why have I been wasting my time with other ice creams when I can just order that? Oh, wait, because ALL ice cream is delicious.
Anyway, I was eating this ginormous cone (small, my ass. If that was small, a large must be as big as I am) and my husband turns to me and says “What is that? A sundae?”
I had to explain to my 41-year-old US-born husband that a sundae involves ice cream with toppings in a cup. What I was eating was a cone dipped in chocolate. Somehow in his 41 years of life he had never eaten one.
So I’m licking the cone, because that is how one eats ice cream in a cone, right? You lick it. He turns to me, disgusted, and says “Why do you eat your ice cream like a little kid?”
I asked how I was eating like a little kid. My cone was pretty messy and I had admittedly done some not so graceful work with my fingers/teeth to get the chocolate pieces off of it. I know it wasn’t the most elegant procedure, but the cone was huge and melting and the chocolate was falling off. There wasn’t much way around it, but was I being grosser than I realized?
“You keep licking it. Little kids lick ice cream cones. You are almost 33 years old and you are licking an ice cream cone like a kid!”
I was flabbergasted.
“I’m licking it because THAT’S HOW YOU EAT AN ICE CREAM CONE. How else am I supposed to be eating this thing?!”
He still doesn’t have a good answer for me. Perhaps this is why he eats his ice cream out of a bowl. Maybe he doesn’t even know how to lick an ice cream cone. I know for a fact he doesn’t eat a popsicle properly. He bites it like it’s a breadstick. My teeth hurt just watching him.
I just informed him that I was writing this and he claims that I was making shapes with the ice cream. You know what shapes I was making? The shapes that happen when you strategically lick around an ice cream cone to stop the drips.
That’s how most humans eat ice cream cones. At least in this country.