It’s been a while since I’ve shared a Tale of the Animal Hoarder. Things haven’t changed much with my mostly harmless animal hoarding mom. This year they’ve “only” expanded their menagerie by one peacock and a new boarding horse. The pot-bellied pig they got last year has become my mother’s obsession (aside from riding horses every single day).
Wuzzle* the pig has become a celebrity among my mom’s and my friends. He has been visiting vacation Bible schools and nursing homes. He has learned a variety of stupid pet tricks and recently obtained a pair of pink butterfly wings to wear while he performs. He’s a flying fairy pig who is secure enough in his masculinity to wear pink sparkles.
My mom and Wuzzle recently came to visit. I had been making the girls some no-sew tutus out of tulle and elastic. My mom got really excited and wanted to make a tutu… for her pig. Only, she had a lot of trouble making a slip-knot and was indecisive about color patterns. It was taking forever for her to get anything done on it.
Finally she decided I should make the tutu. For her pig. At 11 pm on a weeknight.
I ended up staying up until 1 am making a tutu. For a pig. That’s right, under my mother’s encouragement and scheming, I stayed up until 1 in the morning making a tutu for a pig.
There’s a good chance that I’m the first person in the history of the world who has been forced to stay up until 1 am to make a tutu for a pot-bellied pig. My little girls have matching tutus with their cross-dressing pig uncle.
That’s right. I’m told this pig is my brother. Pigs have insatiable appetites. If that pig is my brother, that sure explains a few things about what happened to all the Halloween candy.
Believe it or not, my pig brother was probably the cleanest thing in my house when he was visiting and way easier to deal with than my mother’s bad influence country dogs.
*Indiana ISTEP kids of the 1980s and 1990s would be able to fill in this example from the vocabulary section of the annual standardized test. The test had the same five-ish words on it every single year. “A balou is a bear. A yonker is a young man. Wuzzle means to mix.”