How to Lose An Hour of Sleep

There was an annoying beeping sound coming from my downstairs at 6 am the other day, and I usually don’t wake up until at least 7 am. Our digital weather sensor has the most ridiculous built-in alarm clock ever in that none of us know how to set it, but if someone presses the wrong button, the alarm ends up going off at a really inconvenient time, such as one hour before you need to wake up.

I planned to go right back to bed, but the dog heard I was up and wanted to go out.

I waited for THAT to finish before I headed upstairs and used the bathroom myself, where I ended up using the last bit of toilet paper on a roll. I really wanted to get back to bed and debated replacing the roll. I was supposed to be asleep! Sleep time is NOT toilet paper changing time. I thought about leaving the empty roll there for the next person to take care of, but then I realized that that person was probably me. By leaving an empty roll, my future self would be inconvenienced and mad.

So, one hour before I needed to wake up for the day, I went under the sink to get another roll of toilet paper.

Only, there wasn’t another roll there. We were out under the sink.

We have three bathrooms and keep packages of toilet paper under each sink. We buy toilet paper in bulk, so there is also always a larger package of toilet paper packs in the hall closet.

One hour before I had to wake up, I had to debate whether I wanted to go out to the hall to get more toilet paper. Getting the pack can be noisy and I was worried about waking up the children, whose room is right next to the toilet paper closet. All these bedtime obstacles were making me more and more alert. If I could just lie down right then, I’d probably be able to go back to sleep again. But if I didn’t get toilet paper from the hall, I would probably be the one paying the price for my 6 am laziness.

So I stumbled out to the hall to get a new pack of toilet paper.

A giant empty bulk toilet paper plastic wrapper stared back at me from the closet. We were out of toilet paper.

We are NEVER out of toilet paper.

I was outraged. NOW what was I supposed to do? Go downstairs to get some from under the sink there? Or leave it? Was there any extra in the girls’ bathroom? How could we be out of toilet paper? What was my responsibility to this toilet paper at 6 am? Should I continue my quest?

I tried to go back to bed at this point, but I was so outraged by the toilet paper shortage that I couldn’t sleep. Now I’d have to go to the store and get toilet paper first thing in the morning, even though I had other plans. The toilet paper was clearly a priority. And how did we not notice we were so low before the last time we went to Costco? We were there recently enough that we should still have toilet paper!

I couldn’t stop thinking about stupid toilet paper. I lost an hour of sleep over toilet paper!!!

So the lesson here is, if it is 6 am and you run out of toilet paper, go back to bed before you look for some more.

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