Category Archives: Toy WTF

Toy WTF: “Actual Movie Size”

For about 6 months, my husband and I had a secret from Lily. She thought that her Toy Story Rex and Bullseye flashlights were just like the characters in the movie, but we knew they weren’t to scale. In fact, Rex and Bullseye, two of the tallest characters in the movie, only came up to Woody’s waist.

What are you talking about? They are totally the same size.

Unfortunately, our secret came out recently when Lily’s brain developed beyond our clever ploy to manipulate her with $7 knock-offs of the $35+ figurines that went with her full-size Buzz, Woody and Jessie. She started to notice scale and suddenly every single time we played with her Toy Story toys she’d say “We need a big Rex and a big Bullseye. This Rex and Bullseye are too small. We need new ones.”

So, this weekend for a plethora of reasons that were entirely our fault involving tons of fun-filled promises and an unexpected cancelled trip, we “had” to take Lily to Toys R Us to get her her “big” Rex and Bullseye. Now we have EVERYTHING (except one alien) and it’s all to scale (except one of our two aliens).

When we got it home, we cracked up when we saw this on the box:

“Deluxe Film Version / Actual Movie Size”

WTF does “Actual Movie Size” even mean? How the hell can an animated character be “actual movie size”? He’s a computer animated character. How do we know what size he is? When he was on the big screen, he was probably the same size as me. Is THAT actual movie size? When he’s on our tv, he’s probably about 10 inches tall depending on the angle, but we have a 30 inch television. He’d be bigger if we had a bigger tv. Seriously, how do you define “actual movie size” for an animated character? Do they mean to scale compared to people in the movie? What?

We just found this statement baffling and couldn’t stop laughing about it. Am I “actual movie size”? How big would I be if I were computer-animated?

And are our Woody and Jessie dolls “actual movie size”? They are cheaper versions than the Bullseye we ended up getting– he is the collector’s edition, whatever that means, and I just found out he lists for two to three times what we paid for him. Luckily, everyone seems to be to scale now and Woody and Jessie fit on Bullseye perfectly.

All of these items are "actual movie size".

“Actual movie size”! I’ll giggle about that every time we play with Bullseye from now on.

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Toy WTF: Mean Barbie

Is it me, or does this Barbie look totally conceited and mean?

I'm better than you. You too.

Ok, so she looks MUCH meaner in person than she does in this Amazon image. In person, I got chills looking at her she was glaring at me so scornfully. She knows she’s prettier than me and thinks talking to me is a waste of her time. She looks utterly disgusted with the world, as if she’s stepped in dog poo.

Is this doll an insult to Italians?

Seriously, next time you are in a toy store, seek out this doll and try to tell me she’s not the bitchiest Barbie you’ve ever seen. You won’t be able to. Because she’s totally the most bitchy Barbie you’ll ever see. She’ll look down your nose at you and you’ll think “Oh REALLY, Barbie? You think you’re THAT great? Well you are just a doll and I can step on you! So there!”

That’s just want I want for my girls, a Barbie who looks down their nose at them. And I LOVE Barbie. LOVE her, but the look on this one’s face just rubs me the wrong way.

Or maybe Barbie just taught me that I don’t like Italians? Funny, I always THOUGHT I liked Italians. Thanks for the life lesson, Barbie.

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Toy WTF: Sing-A-Ma-Jig

I can’t decide if I love or hate this toy I noticed at Toys R Us lately.

Sing-A-Ma-Jigs are kind of cute. Originally, I considered buying one as a gift, but then I tried to figure out what songs they sang when you squeezed them. I can’t identify 90% of what they are singing, and I know a lot of songs. What’s the point of having a little doll sing the notes to a song you don’t know? The ones I saw at the store had several modes. The only song I was able to identify was “Yankee Doodle”. I tried really hard to figure out the rest, but it just wasn’t happening.

When they move, they are either freaky or super cute. I can’t decide which, but lean toward freaky. Their mouths become perfect little o’s and then shut back up again. They can bite you if you put your finger in, though it probably won’t hurt.

I mean, these things are just bizarre. They are really cute, but mostly just make noise and have freakish mouths. I either want one or never want to see one again. I can’t decide which.

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Toy WTF: How is this Cookie Monster?

I saw this Kid K’Nex at the toy store the other day.

I know it’s blue. I know its head looks a little like Cookie Monster, but I have a hard time accepting this as an adequate representation of him. His body just looks bizarre.

What did poor Cookie do to deserve this?

Apparently the same thing that Ernie and Bert did.

There was an Elmo and Big Bird too, but they didn’t disturb me as much for some reason.

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Toy WTF: Teacup Piggies Fashion Runway

I love “Project Runway” as much as the next girl, but it surprises me how many fashion design toys line the shelves of Toys R Us these days. While I think some of the toys are helpful for the aspiring 8 year old designer (do 8 year olds watch “Project Runway”?), others are just downright ridiculous. Take this fashion runway teacup pig.

Fashion teacup pigs-- because regular fashion toys aren't ridiculous enough.

That’s right, this teacup pig comes with its own fashions, runway, lights and camera.

I’m not really sure what piggy fashion entails, but when I saw this toy I laughed and laughed. I don’t even have anything clever to say about it, it’s just so ridiculous.

Fashion. For teacup pigs.

Imagine the high demand for such a thing!

I just don’t get it.

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Toy WTF: Barbie Fashionista Swapping Heads

During a trip to Toys R Us recently, I happened down the Barbie aisle and discovered this monstrosity.

That’s right, that’s a pre-packaged Barbie head. It is an accessory to the Barbie Fashionista Swappin’ Styles line. The promo in the store was that now the Barbies can swap looks because you can remove the head of one Fashionista and put it on the other. Additional heads for additional looks sold separately!

Wait. What? I’m so confused about this. Am I missing something? Barbie always COULD swap fashion with other Barbie dolls. You can take the clothes off one Barbie and put them on another. Why on earth does she need to switch heads to switch looks? As far as I can tell from the pictures, you can still remove the Fashionista’s clothes so they could easily swap outfits without swapping heads.

It’s just so morbid to purposefully remove a doll’s head. This doll encourages kids to decapitate their Barbies! As if there weren’t enough Barbie’s whose heads popped off accidentally, here comes a Barbie whose head comes off on purpose. It’s so sadistic. And kind of hilarious.

While it is true the extra heads have different hairstyles and make-up than the original dolls, the fact that you have to DECAPITATE A DOLL totally negates any benefit that may have. And really, you can get a different hairstyle or make-up on the doll by either styling their hair yourself or just choosing another doll you have sitting around.

Maybe there’s the benefit of a cheaper price? I didn’t look at the price of the head in the store, but on Amazon it costs as much as an entire Fashionista doll– $16+!

I don’t get it.

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