Imagine my surprise when this came home with Lily last week with these drawings of her and me. She is on top. I had to cut off her real name, which she also wrote very legibly. She’s the one who wrote “Mommy” on the drawing of me.

I think there is a strong family resemblance!

Since when can she draw people that look like people? I mean, it’s not fine art, but it’s fairly obvious that those are faces as opposed to scribbles.

I was so touched that when she went to draw, I was her inspiration. I don’t think I deserve quite that much credit, but it’s amazing to have someone love you that much. My heart was already melting over the pictures when she said “I drew this picture of you so I could look at you when you aren’t here.”

How could you not swoon from a statement like that? And of course this picture looks just like me, so it will help ease the ache of my absence even though there are photographs of me all over the house.

I teased my husband about where he must rank since he didn’t get a picture drawn of him. She must have heard me because the next day she came home with this masterpiece.

My husband is the one with the black hair. We all knew right away it was him (he’s Asian if you are new to this blog). The other drawing is obviously Rose, at least I think it’s obvious. My husband wasn’t sure. I mean, who else could it be?

You may notice that Lily and her dad have the same nose. That’s about accurate. Rose and I have unique noses in these drawings. Also probably accurate.

Lily: “Now I can look at Rose and Daddy when they aren’t here. And you can look at the picture of me when I’m not here!”

Indeed!

Having her drawings look like things now probably amuses me way more than it should, but I completely love it.

Now to convince her to draw at home instead of endlessly coloring in her My Little Pony coloring books. I think she prefers using markers for drawing, but I have to restrict that at home because she and her sister endlessly let the markers fall on the carpet with their caps off and I just. can’t. take. the. stress. I guess I should let her do that more often, though really she gets endless access to all the messy art stuff she wants at school 12 hours a week. And that’s what I’m paying these people for, right?

Right. I guess I’ll let the markers out more then.

God, I hate markers.

Actually, I like markers. I hate small children with markers.

I get stressed out just thinking about it.

What are you talking about? It looks just like the picture!

I didn’t think the nightmare of that cake could be topped, but apparently I underestimated myself.

This weekend when I made my mother’s cake, I decided to sub the eggs with flax seed. I’ve done this before many times and had the cakes turn out fine. For some reason that’s not what happened this time. Maybe the cake was undercooked or something. I’m not really sure. When I tried to remove the cake from the pan, it crumbled. The cupcakes we made for castle turrets fell flat and also easily crumbled.

My mom is a good sport and was excited just to decorate a “cake” with Lily, so they went to town with what they had. This was the gorgeous result.

Like you could do better. (I’m sure you could. In fact, I’m sure a 6 year old could. I really really suck at making pretty cakes!)

Now, we could pretend like everything was ok because the cake tasted fantastic, but for some reason it didn’t. This cake totally sucked. I really don’t understand what happened. The frosting was good and I used the same mix I always use. I’ve used the flax seed egg substitute before and the cakes tasted fine. What happened?!

Whatever the case, my mom and Lily were VERY proud of their creation and have declared it the NEW best cake ever because they got to make it together.

Also, because I really don’t have enough about this to make a full post, you should know that pigs play Candy Land.

What? This totally happens at your house EVERY DAY!

I’ve been on the hunt to make her spring wardrobe 100% blue dresses to stop the madness. Last week I was searching for dresses online and she got very excited when I showed her the dresses I’d found. “I want a new blue dress! I want a new blue dress!” It’s almost disturbing how aware she is of clothes and girly things.

The next day we went to Kohls and bought her a new blue cotton dress for spring. She was so excited when she saw it that she started yelling about Cinderella and blue dresses. She got her greedy little toddler paws on the dress and wouldn’t let it go. I had to battle her for it to get it scanned by the cashier. She wanted to hold it in three stores we went to after that.

When we got home, she put on her new dress and wore it for three days straight before I had to fight her to put on something else because it needed to be washed. When her dad got home, she ran up to him and immediately began yelling “Daddy, see my new blue dress? Is it pretty?”

This is age 2. What’s she going to be like when she’s 15?! I’m scared.

I definitely need at least 6 more blue dresses because I can’t have this girl wear the same dress every day! I’ve been trying to sell her on other colors. Sleeping Beauty and Ariel wear pink! Tianna wears green! Belle wears yellow! Rapunzel wears purple! She’s not buying any of that. The dress has to be blue.

The first time we see Beast, his head is almost as big as his body. He truly does look like a beast. How can you even hold up a head that big?

By the time Beauty meets Beast, he is several feet shorter and has a normal-sized head. Was his head inflated with rage in the first picture? Did Beauty’s presence change his physical appearance? I assume this is a professional illustrator. How can there be so much difference between the first and second pictures!

Beast changes in size AGAIN when he’s dying waiting for Beauty to return from her father’s estate. I know he’s under a witch’s spell that makes him look like a monster, but I don’t recall the spell having anything to do with constant shape-shifting. WTF, illustrator?

And then, when Beast becomes human, he apparently turns into a woman.

That’s not how I remember it, but that’s what the illustration looks like!

I’m all for same-sex couples, but I have a feeling that’s not what the author or illustrator intended to portray.

WTF, book illustrator? I can see you are skilled enough to make nice looking paintings, but learn how to be consistent and also how to make a man look like a man. Long hair alone isn’t what’s making the prince look like a princess. The prince has a very feminine looking bone structure and face.

I could understand maybe a little variation in the size of the beast, but he’s seriously half his original size in the second picture.

How do you mess up that badly? How could the editors see those pictures and think “Perfect! Let’s go to print!”

I just don’t get it. WTF?

Eight years ago this coming Monday, Lumpy was born. Since my mother owns Lumpy’s mother, my mom and sister’s dogs Dusty and Snwoball were also born that day. Lumpy’s best friend in the world is his brother, Snowball. Snowball usually lives in Milwaukee these days, but when the two boys get back together it’s a joyous reunion with much tackling and snuggling.

They seriously spent 90% of the last couple days curled up around each other on top of either my sister or me.

Back when my sister was in college and I was in graduate school, we lived 2 blocks away from each other. The dogs spent a lot of time together, as did my sister and I. Our dogs knew the way to each other’s houses. My sister used to dognap my dog and take both boys to the dog park. I finished graduate school one semester before my sister graduated from college and moved out of town.

Snowball did not get the message that we had moved away. He missed his brother and didn’t understand why they weren’t coming to visit us anymore. One day my sister was taking Snowball for a walk and he pulled himself out of his collar and ran away all the way to my old apartment building! He missed his brother so much that if my sister wasn’t going to take him to see her, he was going to take himself.

We weren’t there, so he was disappointed, but this is the classic tale we always retell each other about our dogs’ love for each other. Her dog loved my dog so much that he ran away from home to try to visit him.

The other day we were in a used bookstore and I finally found a VHS copy of the movie. Yes, VHS. We still use our VCR sometimes. It’s had a bad habit of chewing up tapes and refusing to rewind things lately, but it will play a previously rewinded tape without too much hassle. I figured even if the VCR ate the tape after the first viewing, for $1.50 it was worth it. Rose finally got her chance  to see her beloved Cinderella in action.

It was a hit. Would you expect anything else? After all this obsession, I doubt Cinderella would have to do much to impress her, but the movie is pretty delightful and perhaps the most toddler friendly of the Disney Princess franchise. It has talking, singing mice and birds doing cute things the whole time and there isn’t nearly as much violence or suspense as the other movies. It’s the ultimate princess movie for a 2 year old.

And what did Rose take away from this enchanting movie? Stories about cat and mouse antics? Adoration of Cinderella finding her dreams?

Nope.

Before the movie was even over Rose was yelling over and over again about how Cinderella’s stepsisters ripped her dress and necklace.

“They ripped her dress! They ripped her dress! That’s not so good! That’s not right! They ripped her necklace!”

Without context, this sounds like a rape scene, but she is indeed just talking about when Cinderella’s ugly stepsisters take back their ribbons and beads. I guess that really struck a cord with her. For some reason that sticks out in her mind over the sea witch tormenting Ariel at the bottom of a whirlpool or Jafar turning into a giant snake and trying to slay Aladdin while Jasmine nearly drowns in the sand of an hourglass. I consider the violence and conflict in the Cinderella scene relatively minor compared to most things in most children’s movies. Rose remembers it over anything else that has ever happened in a movie.

I think she was so struck by this because of her obsession with clothes. If someone were to rip her princess dress, she would be very very upset. Whenever one of her bead necklaces break (happens more often than you would think. 2 year old + beads = trouble), Rose goes on about it for days. I guess she relates more to broken pretty things than an evil giant snake coming at her?

Whatever the case, she’s already asking to watch the movie again and our VCR is refusing to rewind it. Thank goodness “Cinderella” is back out on DVD this fall– or maybe I should be wishing it wasn’t. I can only take so much “They ripped her dress! They ripped her necklace! That’s not nice!”

It’s cute, but it’s also disconcerting.

But how on earth did Aladdin prove his worth? How is Aladdin a diamond in the rough? I’ve watched “Aladdin” a lot in the last couple weeks and while he’s certainly likable, he doesn’t do much to prove he’s somehow the only person in the kingdom worthy of entering the Cave of Wonders or becoming the princess’s husband despite being a commoner.

Aladdin starts the movie as a thief. Is he a lovable thief who steals food so he won’t go hungry? Sure. Does he share the food he steals with small children? Yes. None of this changes the fact that he and his monkey spend the first part of the movie stealing food and dodging the law. He also helps the princess dodge the law after she accidentally steals an apple and the store vendor threatens to cut off her hand. Do I agree with this form of punishment for anything? Absolutely not. While I’m glad Aladdin saved Jasmine from losing a hand, he still did it by conning the store owner and fleeing from the law again. It wasn’t exactly admirable behavior.

Aladdin stops being a thief after he gets his hands on the lamp, but he continues his less than ethical behavior. Aladdin spends the entire movie lying and conning people. First he cons the genie into getting him out of the Cave of Wonders without making a wish. Then he cons the kingdom into believing he’s a prince, when really he’s still the same thief he was 15 minutes beforehand. He lies to Jasmine repeatedly about his identity and what he was doing in the marketplace. He allows his pet monkey to suffer in misery as an elephant while he enjoys his con job as a prince.

Aladdin only does three redeeming things the entire movie.

1) He gives bread (that he STOLE) to hungry children.

2) He promises the genie his freedom once he receives his second wish– but then almost doesn’t go through with it. Should he even get credit for this?

3) He helps Jasmine and her father fight evil Jafar. They win when he TRICKS Jafar into wishing he was a genie, thus entrapping him in a lamp.

The rest of the movie, Aladdin is lying, conning and thieving. Almost everything the sultan sees of Aladdin is part of a con job and the sultan learns of it right before he says Aladdin has proven his worth to him.

WHAT WORTH?

I really don’t understand it. I think Aladdin is adorable, but I really don’t think he did anything that would qualify him to be considered a diamond in the rough. Maybe if Aladdin had been more truthful about his identity when given the chance, I could see it. But that’s not what happened. I guess proving your worth means you’ve proven you are completely dishonest and untrustworthy. It’s totally ok to be these things if you know how to trick a sinister villain into wishing himself into the trap of being a genie. That proves you should be the future sultan.

At least, that’s what I take away from it.

Rose hates other toddlers. I’ve written before how she yells “NO! This is MY Mommy!” to them the second she sees them. How dare this other toddler be in the same restaurant as us? How dare she touch the table near ours? Clearly all the empty tables belonged to Rose!

Shortly after this showdown, Lily and I went to the bathroom. While we were gone, Rose went rogue and started running around the restaurant looking for us. Her major stop was at a table of truckers.

For some reason, I wasn’t at the table of truckers.

Dr. Toy Warden: “I don’t think they’re her.”

My husband herded Rose toward the bathroom and soon I could hear Rose outside.

“Where is my Mommy? I lost my Mommy!”

She kept knocking on the bathroom door.

This happened at my last OB appointment too. The girls waited with their dad in the waiting room after they watched my ultrasound and while I was seeing the real doctor. I could hear Rose freaking out about my whereabouts the entire time and it was all “I lost my Mommy! Where is my Mommy! Mommy? Mommy?” and knocking on the door that separates the waiting room and the hallway where the exam rooms were. That whole thing escalated into a tantrum to a level that Dr. Toy Warden had to take the girls out of the doctor’s office altogether!

Anyway, both the restaurant patrons and the people at the doctor’s office were telling Rose they hoped she found her Mommy soon. I’m not sure why Daddy isn’t good enough, but clearly he wouldn’t do. I don’t remember Lily causing this much comedy and drama over my whereabouts at this age! It’s a hassle, but it sure is funny after the fact!

When I emerged from the bathroom, Rose cried “I found you, Mommy! I missed you!” and gave me a big hug.

Clearly I can never go to the bathroom or the doctor without two to three little girls with me again. It was crazy for me to even try leaving one of the girls behind! What was I thinking?

This is another crazy animal tale my father reminded me needed to be on the blog.

When my parents were selling their first home 26ish years ago, a vet asked my mom to help rehabilitate a great blue heron that had flown into some electric wires and had to have part of his wing amputated. This was not mom’s first wildlife rehab. We had recently rehabilitated a squirrel and had had other odd wild animals. We weren’t living in the country yet. Mom was doing this in our 1,400 square foot home on a small lot in a small residential neighborhood well within city limits. By the way, abandoned infant squirrels are possibly the hardest wild animals to keep alive. It almost never works out, even with a vet heavily involved in the process.

Anyway, my mom jumped at the opportunity to take care of the great blue heron. Of course she had to say yes to the giant, bizarre wild bird. How could she not?

Because her house was FOR SALE. That’s how.

She named the bird Chumley and gated off a portion of the basement that she filled with shavings. At first, Chumley ate a steady diet of smelt, which of course stunk up the house. Later, Chumley’s health started to fail him more and they had to switch to live bait to keep him interested in food. My mom kept buckets of water in the basement full of live fish she got from a bait shop.

Meanwhile, realtors were showing our stinky house to perspective buyers only to have a big reveal of a 4-foot bird on pine shavings in our basement. Keep in mind that whenever we had a house showing, we quickly loaded the cats and dogs into the car so the perspective buyers wouldn’t see THEM, but we left the 4-foot wild bird in our basement.

Can you imagine walking through a realtor’s tour only to discover a 4-foot wild bird on pine shavings in the basement?

My mother’s father to my father: “You can’t let her do this! You have to put your foot down! You have to stop her!”

My dad still isn’t sure where my grandfather got the idea that my dad had any say in any of the animal madness decisions, or that he was in any way the boss of my mom.

I’m not sure how long this all went on, but it was pretty crazy. I was only six, but I remember standing a safe distance from the bird who towered over me. He was very strange.

Unfortunately, the Chumley didn’t end up making it, so jeopardizing the sale of our house was all for nothing.

And the house DID sell eventually after we got the bird and the fish out of there. AND we later successfully rehabilitated another big bird like a great blue heron, but we can’t remember if it WAS a great blue heron. This was after we sold the “city” house were living in the country.

Next Thursday, I’ll talk about the business of breeding parrots.

Rose: MOMMY! OPEN THE DOOR! MOMMY! OPEN THE DOOR!

Rose knows how to open her own door and in fact frequently does so to join me in bed for reasons I don’t understand.

I went to open the door… which was already open. Rose was lying there seemingly sound asleep. I left. I got back in bed and…

Rose: MOMMY! OPEN THE DOOR! MOMMY! OPEN THE DOOR!

I poked my head in again and she seemed asleep. I went back to bed.

Rose: MOMMY! COME BACK! MOMMY! COME BACK!

Again, she seemed asleep. I went back to bed.

Rose: MOMMY! I NEED YOU! MOMMY! COME BACK!

This time her eyes were actually open. I brought her back to bed with me to stop her from waking up Lily, who shares a room with her now. Lily never stirs during this nonsense, but it’s still not fair for her to have to put up with so much noise in the middle of the night. It’s not fair to any of us.

I put her in my bed and put her pillow between my husband and me.

Rose: NO! I want it here!

She moved her pillow on top of my $70 neck pillow. Um, no. I kicked my husband out of bed (there’s another full-sized bed in the other room) and reclaimed my $70 neck pillow. Sorry kid. I have that pillow for a reason! I tried to put a blanket on her!

Rose: NO! LEAVE IT! NO!

I lay down next to her looking at her.

Me: Do you want to snuggle?

Rose: NO!

A few minutes later, Rose has her eyes closed.

Rose: NO MOMMY! KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN!

I tell her I’m going to sleep.

Rose: DON’T CLOSE YOUR EYES!

Every time my eyes are open, her eyes are closed.

Rose starts screaming something indistinguishable that turns out to be “I want to snuggle.”

But she didn’t really want to snuggle because she kept pushing me away and yelling about it.

Every single thing I did was unacceptable to her.

Finally, after an hour of nonsense and nowhere else to put the child, she yells “I want the other bed!”

Me: What other bed?

Rose: I want the crib!

So I dropped her in the crib and didn’t hear from her again until morning.

What was that all about?! Her eyes were closed for most of it so I think she might have been half asleep? Either way, let’s not do that again!