Tap-A-Dancing

Lily has a new game she’s been playing lately where she “tap-a-dances” in our hallway. Even though she has a pair of tap shoes that fit her, she usually does this in gym shoes. This will go on for ridiculous amounts of time and she wants Dr. Toy Warden and I to imitate her steps. Since most of her steps involve jumping and I can’t do that right now, she now insists that I sit in the “audience” to watch all this transpire.

Here is the audience:

I asked her if she wanted to take tap instead of ballet and she said no. She just wants to tap-a-dance in the hall… and for me to watch her.

It’s thrilling, as you can imagine. I mean, it’s really cute for the first 5-10 minutes and then I get really bored because I’m a human and not super “everything you do is beyond awesome and I can’t stop watching!” mom when it comes to the insanely repetitive stuff like this.

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Kids Say: Broken Belly Button

I am now 32 1/2 weeks pregnant and have a huge belly. I still technically have my belly button, but it’s pretty stretched out and looks a lot different than it did pre-pregnancy. Rose has seemed to notice this most of all.

Some Rose quotes regarding my pregnancy:

“You have a big big big belly! I have a little belly.”

“There’s a baby in MY tummy?”

“This is Violet’s room. Who is Violet?”

And my favorite:
“Your belly button is broken! It needs batteries!”

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Bike Safety

Something happened recently that we thought may be another year or two away. Lily learned how to ride a big girl bike with training wheels. It may sound like a small feat for a 4 year old. In fact, most of the kids in our neighborhood seem to be transitioning off their trikes 6 months to a year before Lily did, but Lily was sort of slow when it came to her tricycle. Last fall she still didn’t master the concept, partially because she wasn’t interested. This used to worry me, but she’s so ahead in other areas I decided to let it go.

Imagine our surprise when warm weather hit this spring and Lily could race around the block on her tricycle, steering and everything. Years ago, I bought her a tiny pink Schwinn for $5 at a garage sale. We finally got to bring it up from the basement and teach her how to ride it. She took to it right away and is FINALLY a natural at bike riding.

Yes, we know her helmet wasn't on right. The situation has been rectified.


I’m not holding my breath for her to ride without training wheels. Neither her father nor I were able to get rid of them until we were 7. My husband claims I still don’t know how to ride a bike. I never said I was any good at it, but I CAN ride. I’m forbidden from riding pulling the kid buggy or with a kid on the back of my bike, per Dr. Toy Warden. Much like how he has banned me from trying to fry bacon myself (I burn it), he is absolutely right in this rare effort to control me.

It didn’t take long for Lily to insist that Woof Woof ride with her. OF COURSE Woof Woof needed to be on the bike. At first she was trying to ride with Woof Woof in her lap or shoved between the handlebars. I was worried Woof Woof would fall and either Woof Woof or Lily would get injured. I went out and got her a bike basket.

But really, how safe is it for Woof Woof to just be sitting in someone’s bike basket? What if Woof Woof falls out? Would Woof Woof be ok if she hit her head on the sidewalk?

And furthermore, shouldn’t Woof Woof try to be a better role model for Lily? What kind of parent am I to make Lily wear a helmet, but not Woof Woof?

Obviously, something needed to be done.

Now only Woof Woof's ears are in jeopardy.


Are the people at Build-A-Bear geniuses or what?

My sister has pointed out that Woof Woof’s ears are in jeopardy, but Woof Woof looks so stupid when I tuck them into her helmet. She looks like a wet cat or something without ears. So we’ll risk it for cosmetic reasons.

Woof Woof is just a stuffed animal, after all. OR IS SHE?

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On Pluto

This week Lily was learning about outer space at preschool. They wrapped up the week yesterday by going to our university’s planetarium (I didn’t realize we had one and it’s literally 5 minutes from my house!). On Monday, I started asking her about the planets and what she’d learned. I honestly wasn’t that sure anymore what was going on with them. I know at one point they decided Pluto was not a planet and then they found something else beyond Pluto, but I wasn’t sure if they’d classified THAT as a planet. And then I remembered more debate over whether or not Pluto was a planet. Was Pluto still a planet? Were there nine planets or ten or eight or what? I just wasn’t sure anymore.

I was trying to discuss it with my husband (but did not Google it for some reason) only to have him repeatedly declare “I don’t know and I don’t care!” Some scientist he is! Lily informed me that there were nine planets, but I wasn’t sure if the nine were the original nine I learned or nine minus Pluto plus that thing they found past Pluto, which Google tells me is called Eris. Who knew?

Anyway, I didn’t think Lily was paying any attention to me and my unresearched “Is Pluto still a planet?” debate when she came home from preschool yesterday and came straight up to me and said “Mommy, Pluto IS a planet!”

It is?

“Yes! There are nine planets! Pluto is VERY small, but it is a planet. It’s the last planet.”

I thought it was so cute and smart of her to not only remember that I wasn’t sure about this, but to confirm it for me.

Today Google tells me that some scientists have decided that Pluto is a planet again because it has its own moon. I can’t tell for sure if this is the official conclusion or if it is still up for debate. Google also tells me that Eris thing past Pluto IS a tenth planet, but I guess they aren’t teaching that in preschool just yet.

Our solar system was so much simpler when I was a kid!

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Mondays Aren’t For Dancing

New rule: Never sign your child up for Monday classes.

We made a terrible mistake this year when signing Lily up for a school year’s worth of ballet classes. We signed up for the class that seemed to work best with our schedule. I wanted a daytime class early in the morning enough to not interfere with afternoon preschool. I never thought about what day of the week the class was except that I didn’t want it on Fridays since Lily doesn’t have preschool that day and we enjoy the freedom of that day.

The girls were confused about what they were doing at dance on a Wednesday.

It didn’t take long to realize Monday classes always get canceled. Think about it. If a holiday falls on the weekend, you get Monday off. The dance studio is closed for all national holidays. We get to take make-up classes when the school is closed, but this means rearranging our whole week and putting Lily in a class that isn’t her own. This semester alone the dance studio was closed at least five times. If I remember correctly, the dance studio was closed for Martin Luther King Day, President’s Day and Easter. It also was closed for a (ridiculous. It was warm and had barely snowed!) snow day and when our dance teacher’s mother was having surgery. We’ve been to at least six make-up classes this semester due to the studio being closed and another one because Rose was too sick to tag along one Monday. Sometimes I feel like we see the girls in the make-up class more often than we see the girls in Lily’s actual class.

It’s truly ridiculous. I will never sign up for a Monday class again. And you shouldn’t either.

Trust me, it’s not worth it even if the class is at the best possible time of day. Go for the Wednesday class. You’ll probably be there for make-up classes more often than you actually attend your Monday class anyway. I know we are.

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Grandpa’s Pine Tar Soap

This is something of a public service announcement. I have not been endorsed by Grandpa’s Pine Tar Soap, but I’m about to sing praises for it.

For all three of my pregnancies, I have been blessed with the joy of a horrific skin condition known as pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy or PUPPPs. Every single time I type “PUPPPs,” I want to put in one less “P”, but it really does have 3 “P’s” at the end. Those pictures of an awful rash over on wikipedia? First of all, I accept your thanks for not posting them directly. Second of all, those pictures have NOTHING on how bad my PUPPPs rash was during my first pregnancy.

PUPPPs with Lily was absolutely the most agonizing thing I’ve ever been through– and I had 5 hours of excruciating back labor with her. I also put my back out so badly 2 years ago that I wasn’t able to get out of bed for 3 days. I literally had to crawl to the bathroom. Both of those things were a picnic compared to my first case of PUPPPs. The itching was so intense that I couldn’t sleep for more than an hour at a time. I’d wake up to find myself clawing at my rash and destroying my skin. No matter how hard I tried not to scratch myself, it still happened. Even when I tied socks and mittens over my hands, I would still find myself digging my nails through the cloth to get at my red, inflamed, bumpy skin.

The rash with Lily spread from my stretchmarks on my belly to EVERYWHERE. Only my face, chest, back and feet were spared. It was all over my legs, butt, stomach, arms and hands. It was absolutely awful. The PUPPPs started showing up mildly at probably around 33 weeks, but I didn’t ask my doctor about it until I was probably 36 weeks when it really started to flare up. During the last 2-3 weeks of my pregnancy, my days were spent alternating between soaking in cold oatmeal baths, smearing my body in caladryl and hydrocortisone cream, putting ice on my rash and trying to sleep all while crying intermittently. This is not the way anyone should ever have to spend the end of their pregnancy.

I am very lucky in that this condition has no threat to the baby, but, man, was I a mess for this. When I was giving birth to Lily, the nurses told me I had the worst case of PUPPPs they’d ever seen.

Statistically, that should have been the end of my PUPPPs experience. Most people only get it in their first pregnancy… and when they are pregnant with boys or multiples, but I’m “lucky” and got it all three times with none of the other statistical components (at least the commonalities they were listing 5 years ago. I didn’t look this time around).

In my second pregnancy, the PUPPPs showed up at about 24 weeks, but it was a lot more mild. This might have been because I absolutely insisted my doctor write me a prescription for a stronger steroid cream so I wouldn’t be miserable for 16 weeks while caring for a toddler. For some reason, she refused the steroids the first time around when I was so miserable, but this time she wrote the prescription like it was no big deal. WTF? I’m still angry about that. That round of PUPPPs was much more tolerable than what I went through with Lily. I don’t know if the steroids kept things mild or if it just would have been more mild because it was my second pregnancy and you aren’t supposed to be able to get PUPPPs a second time, let alone a third time (at least that’s what they were saying 5 years ago when I was researching PUPPPs 24/7 while scratching and crying).

This time the PUPPPs showed up at about 29 weeks and was again mild. I got a steroid cream prescription from my OB/GYN and started researching remedies for a third time. This time, one name came up on all the message boards: Grandpa’s Pine Tar Soap. Everyone suffering from PUPPPs claimed that Grandpa’s Pine Tar Soap cured it 100%.

I’ve never heard of anything “curing” PUPPPs before, so I absolutely had to try it. I mean, sure, the PUPPPs had been mild so far, but the prescription cream didn’t seem to do much and I was terrified that when I hit 36 weeks that things would turn nightmarish again.

I ordered some Grandpa’s Pine Tar Soap off of Amazon. Three days later when it arrived the odor almost knocked me out. It’s like a bonfire in a gross-looking brown bar, but I’ll try anything and smell like anything as long as it means I don’t have to have PUPPPs anymore. I started washing the affected areas twice a day and then applying my steroid cream.

I’d been using the steroid cream for about a week and if anything my rash was getting worse. Within two days of using the soap, my rash looked much better. Within a week, it was completely gone.

I don’t have PUPPPs anymore. This is truly a miracle soap. If you know anyone who has PUPPPs, get them this soap immediately (I also recommend getting induced early if you have it badly. I didn’t and I still regret not doing it). It’s also supposed to work on eczema and dandruff. I suffer from neither condition, but if you have either of those things TRY IT. If this thing can knock out PUPPPs, I truly believe it can knock out anything.

EDIT: I’ve been informed that pine tar oil can sometimes contain creosotes, which are carcinogenic. I did a little googling and Grandpa’s brand creates its pine tar oil in a closed kiln, which means the soap is creosote-free. Wash those rashes away!

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Kids Say: Sound Control

Lily woke up super late Monday morning after battling a minor cold all week. When she finally came downstairs, she kept coughing.

Me: Are you ok?

Lily: My sound doesn’t feel well.

Me: Your sound?

Lily: My sound is sick.

Me: Do you mean your voice?

Lily: Yes. It doesn’t feel well.

Me: Oh! You’re a little hoarse! Does your throat hurt?

Lily: My throat hurts a little, but I’m not a horse.

Me: No, you’re not a horse, but “hoarse” means you are having trouble talking. You’re hoarse.

Lily: I’m not a horse! My sound doesn’t feel well!

Me: “Hoarse” is a way people say their sound doesn’t feel well. They also say they have a frog in their throat.

Lily: I’m not a horse! There’s no frog in my throat!

You’ll be happy to hear that after a drink of water, Lily’s sound felt much better.

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Die Dye

Two different events I LOVED as a child are completely traumatizing to me as an adult because of the mess and headache it takes to accomplish them.

When I was a kid, I loved carving pumpkins for Halloween. As an adult, I find it messy and a little bit scary to wield knives (even safety knives) around the children. They always want to put their fingers where I’m trying to carve. The pumpkin is always thicker than I remember, making carving it awkward and sometimes physically difficult. My vision for what the pumpkin will look like never comes true. The pumpkin goop is hard to remove and gets everywhere. Kids are slimy and it’s all so messy and such a pain that I almost wish that I didn’t introduce them to it. Someone always cries.

The other event just happened this past Friday. We dyed Easter eggs. Even though I am Jewish, the Easter Bunny always came to our house. Santa made halfhearted cameos, but the Bunny was a key figure in our holiday events. Considering my mom’s love of animals, this makes perfect sense. I didn’t even realize what Easter really meant until I was ridiculously old. All the Jesus songs about Christmas pretty much tipped me off from the beginning, but Easter? A bunny and chocolate? It’s hard to put the pieces together without some specific instruction!

I remember loving dyeing Easter eggs, so every year since I had Lily I’ve looked forward to egg coloring. Every year, I’ve been absolutely horrified by how terrifying egg dyeing turns out to be. While it’s fun to watch the eggs turn different colors, it’s panic-inducing to watch pink dye drip onto the counter and not wipe up. No matter how much newspaper you put down (this is actually a problem too. We don’t get a newspaper.), you end up getting some dye either on the counter or the floor. Every single year there’s an accident dumping the dye into the sink, or the sink just turns pink for a week no matter how much I scrub.

No matter how careful I am, dye gets all over our hands. The dye won’t come off for at least a week. We walk around looking like we don’t know how to wash our hands.

It’s awful. Has the dye always been this potent? Was my mother hiding her “OMG, the house will be forever dyed pink!” panic attacks than I am? I’m not sure. This year I was absolutely relieved that it was warm enough to dye eggs outside. There wasn’t much spillage and somehow no one’s hands got very dirty, but this is not what happened the previous years.

This year I also made sure to dye eggs while Dr. Toy Warden was at work. Dr. Toy Warden is far, far, FAR from a neat freak, but when he sees small children with paint or dyes, he freaks out about our house getting ruined. Having Dr. Toy Warden at home for this adventure alleviated the stress by at least half. You’d think having the extra adult around would make projects like this easier, but it’s actually easier to hear less freak outs about the dye than to actually have him there to help me contain the chaos. I freak out enough about dye on my own without having to hear it from him!

Anyway, it’s amazing to me that more people don’t publicly panic about Easter egg dye and pumpkin carving. Is it a big secret that these things sort of suck? Are we all pretending to enjoy doing them as adults when in reality we are all worrying about our counters turning pink and pumpkin goop getting on the carpet? Surely, I am not alone. I mean, it’s great to watch the kids get excited about these things and I think the experience is important for their childhood memories, but yikes this stuff is a lot different than I remember!

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Peppa Pig

What is the deal with “Peppa Pig”?

My daughters absolutely love it. They giggle hysterically whenever the pigs laugh. They think Peppa is the funniest thing since… “Little Bear”. I didn’t say their senses of humor was finely developed because I have no idea how “Little Bear” is funny, but they seem to think it is.

There are parts of “Peppa Pig” that are enjoyable and I can see that. What I can’t see is what is educational about it. Nick Jr. is allegedly “Preschool on TV”. Most of the shows do have some learning elements to them, but these pigs never seem to be learning anything. They aren’t really teaching anything. The only thing possibly different about it is that the pigs are British and speak with British accents. Do British accents somehow make our children learn more?

There are, of course, other ethnic shows on this channel– Dora, Diego and Kai Lan. All three of those shows teach kids other languages, among other things. “Peppa Pig” does none of that, although I did learn the other day that Brits call flashlights “torches”. I’m sure my kids were just like “Why the hell did they just call that flashlight a torch when it’s clearly a flashlight?” They probably also wonder why the pigs keep calling their yard “the garden” or gasoline “petro”. Since the pigs also speak English and never stop to say “This is how we say it in Britain,” kids are just left assuming that these are other terms are synonyms for words we use here. I suppose they are in a way, but if you walked into a gas station in the US and asked for “petro” people would think you were insane.

I don’t have a problem with “Peppa Pig” as a cartoon for preschoolers in general, I just don’t get how Nick Jr. can pretend it’s educational programming. It’s clearly not. (Dr. Toy Warden says it IS educational. It teaches us about British pigs.)

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Toy WTF: Out of Scale Play Sets

Here’s a simple rule that apparently is impossible to follow: If you are going to make accessories your dolls are supposed to fit inside, you better make sure your dolls fit in them before you start marketing them to the public.

We have two Disney items that don’t fit the figurines for which they were allegedly built and I absolutely don’t understand WTF the manufacturer was thinking. First, there’s Cinderella’s carriage.

It looks like a great toy, right? What’s not to love? It has everything: Cinderella, the mice, the fairy godmother, horses. Great stuff.

It SHOULD be great stuff, but it’s totally not. First of all, it falls apart very easily. The platform the mouse stands on falls off every 5 seconds and your child will ask you every 5 seconds to put it back together. The two halves of the the top of the carriage also pop off easily and you will also be asked to fix this so many times you’ll be ready to throw it out.

If that weren’t bad enough, Cinderella literally can not sit in the carriage while she is wearing her little rubber dress. Her legs don’t bend while she’s wearing it, which means she can’t sit. The carriage lid can not shut while she is standing. What’s hilarious about this is they clearly discovered there were problems with this toy during the promotional photo shoots, but didn’t do anything to fix it.

See how Cinderella is standing instead of sitting? See how the carriage is open? It can not close while she’s in there. If you move the carriage, she will fall over.

WTF? Make the carriage a little taller and this problem goes away. Put these damn figurines in cloth dresses instead of immobile rubber dresses that rip easily and the problem will disappear. I don’t understand why they thought this was acceptable.

Look at the hilarity– on Amazon there’s not just one promo picture like this, there’s two!

And this is just one of probably many toys for these figurines that isn’t to scale and doesn’t work with the dolls. We also have a set of Tinker Bell fairies that don’t fit in the little fairy house we have for them.

Tinker Bell can not stand up all the way in this house. She can not sit on the little thimble stool without falling over. It’s ridiculous. They seriously need to play with these toys in the toy engineering department place before selling them.

I mean that’s two out of two accessories for our Disney dolls that don’t actually fit the dolls for which they were designed. That’s just not right. WTF?

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