Tag Archives: diapers

How Many Diapers Does It Take?

Every time I go to the pediatrician with a nursing baby, I get asked the most baffling question. It’s a question I’ve never quite been able to answer in 5.5 years of parenting.

“How many wet diapers does she have a day?”

I don’t know. I don’t keep a chart next to me where I mark off how many diapers I used. It seems to me it varies day by day. I don’t cloth diaper (and I don’t want to hear about how I should) so I don’t have a pile of diapers to count while I’m washing them every other day (and thank goodness for that).

The thing is, I’m not sure how you even define what a “wet” diaper is. It seems to me that babies have a constant tiny trickle of pee. A diaper (disposable or otherwise) is never completely free of urine. What degree of wet equals the doctor’s definition of wet? We use Pampers and they get squishy/fluffy when they are wet. If I remember correctly, Huggies get hard when wet (I hate Huggies and off-brand diapers including Luvs have always backfired when we tried them.). Here are my categories of Pampers:

*Fresh and dry. The diaper feels crisp and crunchy. Extremely rare and generally only lasts 10 minutes.

*Slightly wet. You can tell some sort of pee has probably happened, but the diaper is a tiny bit squishy in a couple spots but not all over. Parts of the diaper are still crispy. The diaper does not need to be changed at this level of wetness. If you changed the diaper every time it got this wet, you would use 25 billion diapers a day.

*Moderately wet. The diaper is thoroughly squishy throughout, but far from “full”. You’d probably change the diaper at this point if you noticed it, were leaving the house or putting the baby down for a nap/bed, but it’s not a diaper emergency.

*Very wet. The diaper is very squishy and swollen. It sags and is visible from outside the pants. It might even be slightly damp on the outside. Even my husband can tell that it’s time to change a diaper when it reaches this level of wet.

*Poopy. Self-explanatory. You always change a poopy diaper right away no matter what.

So when the doctor asks how often your kid has a wet diaper, does the doctor mean slightly wet, moderately wet or VERY wet? My babies poop so often that I’m usually changing the baby before it gets to the “very wet” level. Sometimes the diaper might not be wet when I change a poopy, but I can’t tell for sure. Does that count as a wet diaper?

So when the doctor asked last time how many wet diapers I changed, I just answered I changed 5ish poopy diapers a day that were probably also wet, plus a couple more wet diapers.

When they don’t seem satisfied with my wet diaper knowledge, I’m left wondering if they’ve ever actually lived with a baby.

There’s an exact number of wet diapers a day? Really? I think not. (Although as I’ve heard from some newbies on my personal facebook page, there’s an app for that!)

I understand they are asking to check on my kid’s hydration, but it’s just not a scientific question unless they give me some better definitions here.

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Poop Emergency

Warning: This is a story about poop, but it’s a story about baby breastmilk poop, which isn’t really poop. I mean, it IS. It’s poop. But if you’ve ever been around it, you know it’s not that bad. It’s mostly liquid gold. Literally. I think most moms can agree that baby breastmilk poop is hilarious. It’s gross, but it’s eons less gross than the solid food poop most of us encounter on a daily basis. ANYWAY. Onward.

A few days ago I was sitting on the couch with the baby in my lap when all of a sudden I felt something warm spill into my lap.

I’m sure you know what it was.

That’s right, it was a huge puddle of yellow breastmilk poop. It had somehow exploded out of the back of Violet’s diaper and onto my lap. In some sort of baby voodoo magic, there was not a drop of poop on her outfit. There was, however, a river of liquid yellow baby poop flowing in my lap. If I were to stand up or move in anyway, the baby poop would spill onto the couch.

“Help!” I yelled. “Help! Lily! HELP! Get me some wipes! HURRY! Help! It’s a baby poop emergency!”

Yes, I called for my 5 year old to help. She was the oldest possible helper in the house at that moment. She was the only hope that poop wouldn’t get on the couch (if it hadn’t gotten on the couch already. I couldn’t tell for sure where things stood.). She is perfectly capable of grabbing the wipes for me and helping.

“What?”

“Help! Come here! I need wipes! Hurry!”

“I’m busy playing Legos right now. Maybe later,” she said.

Yes. That’s what my 5 year old said to me during a baby poop emergency.

“No! I need wipes now! It’s a poop emergency! Hurry! There’s poop all over my lap! HELP!”

Lily: “Rose, could you go help Mommy? I’m busy.”

OH NO SHE DIDN’T.

After some, um, strong words from me, Lily ran over and got me some wipes. In return, she got a lecture about how when Mommy yells “Help!” and sounds upset, you need to run and help as fast as you can even if you are playing Legos. Especially if the words “poop emergency” are involved.

Amazingly, none of the poop got on the couch. It was a close one, guys.

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Clearance Diapers WTF

Earlier this week, I bought a box of Pampers Cruisers on clearance. We are die-hard Pampers users so when I saw a box like this

Seemingly normal box of cruisers.

I expected this

But instead, when I opened the box, I found THIS

WTF? I’ve never seen this design of Cruisers before. So half the night, I’ve been worried that maybe I just put not a Cruiser on Rose. Were these diapers clearance because they had the wrong diapers inside them? Would Rose wake up in the middle of the night with an exploded diaper?

Really, they should warn you if something is on clearance because it looks wrong inside. Just how different are these diapers?

WTF?

It turns out, based on some obscure websites out there, Pampers has redesigned their Cruisers yet again. I was unaware this. What’s stranger is that the change happened at least 3 months ago, but this is the first I’ve seen of it despite buying diapers at least once a month. WTF?

I was seriously outraged about these diapers until I found the internet evidence that this is just a diaper redesign. I was sure Meijer had duped me by putting diapers on clearance because they had the wrong content inside the box. But I guess not.

Maybe.

If the diapers backfire, I’ll let you know. Pampers Cruisers are the only diaper that gets Rose through the night.

EDIT: The new diapers, in fact, did NOT get Rose through even half the night. I am not amused.

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Poop Warfare

Secretly evil.

A toddler sleeping on the couch. How adorable, you think. Doesn’t she look sweet?

She’s trying to trick you. This picture is the aftermath of one of Rose’s most evil ploys: She uses her poop to get what she wants.

Before you run away screaming in terror, I will ease your mind to let you know that poop warfare at our house does not involve removing a bad diaper or any of the other legendary horror stories I’ve heard about other people’s kids. At our house, poop warfare is all about manipulation– carefully timed poops that delay or destroy nap or bedtime.

Rose has long been the master of poop warfare. It started the first time I tried to let her cry it out. (Yes. We cry it out in this house. No. I am not interested in hearing why we shouldn’t.) She would cry and when I came back to check on her there would be poop, which meant she got her way and got to get out of the crib and get her diaper changed. It would be one thing if this only happened once. I wouldn’t call it poop warfare then. But it happened EVERY SINGLE TIME we tried cry it out for a LONG time.

She does it on purpose. Poop is her weapon and she uses it to get attention and/or avoid going to bed. Poop warfare lost me months of sleep because I gave up on cry it out with Rose and the result was her waking me up every two hours (or more) until I finally decided her poop was HER problem, not mine, and we cried it out anyway, poop and all.

Actually, I learned to go in there 10 minutes after I set her in her crib and change her diaper. Because there was sure to be poop. It didn’t matter if she’d pooped right before nap or bed time. She would still manage to squeeze out a present to get my attention. Sometimes she’d even poop twice after I put her in there.

What can I say? She has a talent for bowel control (that will probably not translate to easy potty training). I don’t think I’m talented enough to time my poops like this, especially not multiple poops over the course of an hour or two. It’s as if she just wills herself to need to poop and she does it. It’s amazing, really.

Once we really anchored down cry it out, she quit MOST of her poop warfare, especially at bedtime, but if I ever put her down and she decides she’s not tired enough, poop warfare occurs. It is especially rampant at naptime these days.

When Rose uses poop warfare at naptime, she refuses to let me put her back in the crib after I change her diaper (which happens after about 45-60 minutes of hearing her talk in the crib). She’ll scream and cry and carry on and then try to climb out of the crib. She’s big enough to topple over the side at this point, so I just have to take her downstairs at that point. So, she is still using poop to get what she wants. She manages to win her way out of a nap at least twice a week using poop warfare.

Last week was an especially vicious poop warfare attack. Rose apparently didn’t want to go to bed for the night, but I never went back in to check on her because she chattered cheerfully until she fell asleep. When I went to bed, I checked on her and I could smell poop.

The options were to get her and have her possibly wake up and not go back to sleep, or leave her and hope for the best. On a few occasions, she’s actually made it until morning with poop in her diaper, so I left her. Hey, don’t judge. In the battle of my sleep v. a mild diaper rash that will probably clear up with half a day of Desitin, my sleep wins. You might say that makes me a bad mom, but actually what makes me a bad mom is not enough sleep. No sleep makes me cranky. I think my kids rather have cheerful me and a mild diaper rash than cranky me and no diaper rash.

Well, she didn’t make it until morning that night. Her poop warfare backfired on all of us when she woke up at 3 and cried and cried and cried and refused to go back to sleep after I changed her diaper. She screamed her head off every time I tried to put her back in the crib, even after an hour of cartoons. Lily had a fever and was sleeping right across the hall, so I gave up and let Rose stay up downstairs.

She finally passed out on the couch at 7 am.

So, this sweet sleeping baby is secretly evil. She is the master, and perhaps inventor, of poop warfare.

I suppose it could be worse. Her poop warfare does stay in the diaper.

Do your kids use poop warfare? Surely I can’t be the only victim.

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Friday Funnies: The Last Rest Stop

We used to have this problem every time we were on our way back to Northwest Ohio from Northwest Indiana on the Indiana Tollway.

For the first four years we lived here, there was no rest stop on I80 for at least 50 miles east of the Ohio border. It was awful. We learned to stop at the last rest stop in Indiana no matter what because there as absolutely nowhere to stop in Ohio until we were practically home.

Well, now they FINALLY built a rest stop closer to the border in Ohio and it has THE BEST CHANGING STATION EVER.

Fantastic.

These side-by-side changing stations are in a wide aisle in a hallway that connects two separate aisles of stalls at the back of the restroom. Most people in the restroom would never walk through this hallway. They would enter either aisle of stalls from the front of the restroom. The changing stations don’t block sinks or stalls. They don’t put your child’s butt on display for people the second they walk into the restroom. They are close to garbage cans for easy diaper disposal. They don’t accidentally set off any automatic hand dryers or sinks. You have plenty of room to do your job AND two people can change diapers at once.

I was way too excited about the discovery of this changing station. And this rest stop. I can’t tell you how happy this makes me. Public restroom designers of the world, take note: This is how it should be done.

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Changing Station Week: Sink Barricade

This changing station was in a rest stop in Indiana.

Who needs to wash their hands anyway?

When it is open, it blocks two full sinks and two bathroom stalls.

WTF?

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Changing Station Week: Awkward Situation

This changing station was in a restaurant in St. Louis.

What a thoughtful location.

This changing station inconveniences EVERYONE.

Rose makes it hard to tell, but a regular-sized adult would have to turn sideways to fit between the changing station and the stall doors. The doors open outwards into the changing station. Not only does the changing station block people from getting to the stalls, but people already in the stalls are trapped inside them once the changing station is down.

It’s a poorly thought out, stupidly placed changing station. There is no reason this station should be where it is when the handicapped stall has plenty of room for a changing station.

Dumb.

Really, I should start a business designing public restrooms because the people doing it now are complete and utter morons.

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Changing Station Week: Too Short

Living far away from family sucks. It means that MANY times a year you have to travel with your toddler. And maybe YOUR toddler likes traveling (unlikely), but mine does not.

Due to Rose’s propensity toward poop warfare* during such trips, I have visited almost every rest stop between Northwest Ohio and Northwest Indiana AND St. Louis. Most rest stops get changing tables VERY wrong. This time I was actually brave enough to take out my camera, yes my REAL camera, not a camera phone, to take shots of ridiculous changing station situations as I saw them. Here’s the first such situation– a rest stop somewhere in Illinois.

Is this supposed to be a potty-training cue?

Now, I know that since Rose is almost 2 years old we should be considering potty training and I also know that Rose is a little big for her age, but this is ridiculous. This changing station says to me that only newborns need their diapers changed. Anyone over the age of 6 months does NOT need to fit on the changing table. Clearly they should be changed somewhere else. Where, I’m not sure.

I mean, I know we could do this in the car, and have done this a lot, but if the back of the van is loaded up for a trip, there’s really nowhere to change her. She’s gotten far too big to change on the front seat.

So, changing station designers, take note. Some babies taller than 25 inches still need to be changed. In fact, I’d wager half the diaper-wearing population would not fit on this changing station.

While Rose was lying on it, Lily and I just laughed and laughed at how ridiculous she looked.

Rose was not as amused.

But seriously, who makes a changing station that short?

WTF?

*Poop Warfare: When a baby poops more often than usual to get more attention or plans out her poops to delay naps or bedtime.

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Kids Play: Expert Diaper-Care

The other day, I put one of Rose’s diapers on Possessed Baby. I put it on her the normal traditional way you’d diaper a baby, only, you know, over her clothes instead of under them. A couple hours later, I found Possessed Baby like this:

I didn’t do that.

I also found a clean diaper rumpled up with its stickers undone nearby, but that could have been anything since we keep our spare diapers in a place easily accessed by children.

I asked Lily about it and she said she took the old diaper off Possessed Baby and got her a new one… which of course included diapering her arm.

Share your kid’s creativity on this blog by emailing pictures and/or stories to creativekidsplay@gmail.com.

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Kids Play: Baked Diapers

Me: What are you doing?

Lily: I’m putting the diapers in the oven.

Me: Why?

Lily: We need to cook them! We need to bake the diapers. It’s time to cook the diapers!

Yum! Burnt plastic and chemicals! The diapers are still there. They are out of the way, so why not? Children dismantle any neat piles I put in discreet places. Might as well use this toy kitchen for something useful!

Also, isn’t Rose cute? She’s turning the big ONE on Saturday!

Share your funny kids play stories on this blog by submitting them to creativekidsplay@gmail.com.

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