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Torture Chamber

It seems like they consult a medieval torture device manual when designing hospital equipment for babies. Every single medical item we were forced to use in the hospital looked like it was used to torment prisoners.

First came the IV. As if an IV isn’t torture enough in its regular form, with a baby they attempt to immobilize the arm with a board. Her poor little arm was strapped down to what looked like a splint. She hated it and had trouble sleeping and crawling.
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After I gave birth to the girls, I found it really difficult to get to the bathroom and tend to the baby while attached to an IV pole. Well, it turns out being attached to an IV is way easier than carrying a 17-pound baby who is attached to an IV pole. Somehow I was supposed to balance a baby on my hip, walk AND pull an IV pole around with me. It didn’t go too well.

Obviously my torture is nothing compared to the baby’s. She worked her hardest to get out of that IV splint-thingy. Several times, she got her hand free. Toward the end, she had forced pressure on the split so hard and so many times that it bent easily when she wanted it to.
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How are you supposed to keep an IV splint clean when your baby eats finger foods almost exclusively?
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That’s sanitary!

The crib also looked like a torture device. I know cribs are kind of cages anyway, but this one was REALLY a cage. There was a special lid on the top to make sure babies didn’t escape. I understand the fear, but the bars of the crib were so high and Violet is so little that it was ridiculous!
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I felt really guilty because Violet stayed in that prison a lot more than she would have stayed in her crib at home. The IV line was so restrictive that if she wanted to move, it could only be in a small confined area. Hello, torture crib. She didn’t mind it, but I felt neglectful to be sitting right there while she was trapped. Every time I tried to hold her, she’d squirm away to try to crawl on the germy hospital floor. Sorry, kid. Crib prison it was.

The worst torture device was the chest X-ray device for a baby. It looked like something out of a sci fi show. Here’s a link to some pictures of it on Google. I basically put my baby into a bucket with holes in it for her legs. Then the techs had me raise Violet’s arms over her head while they wrapped two hard clear plastic tubes around her to immobilize her while they took the X-ray. The babies in the pictures look content. I think those pictures must be photoshopped because no baby anywhere would keep so calm in a device that torturous. She screamed and screamed until they were finished.

I know babies are hard to keep still, but there seriously has to be a better way to treat them than to put them in multiple torture chamber-type devices!

I guess these torture devices are good incentive to stay healthy. No more picking up bugs, Violet, or we’ll put you in the baby X-ray machine and splint your arm with an IV!

That threat would scare me enough to keep me healthy if I were a kid. Except it didn’t work when I was a kid. I was tortured in the children’s ward at least twice. Oh well.

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