Tag Archives: vomit

I Only Threw Up a Little

Dr. Toy Warden, also known as The Berated Professor, has taken over potty training Rose because I’m utterly incompetent. It took me more than 2 years to potty train Lily and I couldn’t get a drop out of Rose on the toilet. I don’t think I have a good personality for potty training. I’m way too easily annoyed and the kids can tell even if I fake not being upset that they’ve had their millionth accident of the day.

I’m not sure what’s happened or how he did it, but after two days with Daddy Rose is doing much better with the potty and may even make it to preschool on time (2 1/2 more weeks!). Dr. Toy Warden may blog about how he did it later, but one moment of potty training will forever stick in my mind as a moment of comedy even though I wasn’t there to witness it.

Rose had two really bad poop accidents while in underwear early on. Apparently it made the hugest most disgusting mess Dr. Toy Warden has ever seen. Poop was all over the floor. He has a really wimpy gag reflex and still gags every time he changes a poopy diaper after FIVE years of having this duty. While diapers are pretty awful, I have never once gagged.

Dr. Toy Warden has a notoriously weak stomach. He was known for his vomiting exploits after running in college. When he runs a race, he always pukes afterward. He doesn’t think throwing up is a big deal. He goes to work with stomach flu and has actually neglected to tell me he’s sick with food poisoning or stomach flu in the past.

This is baffling to me because to me throwing up is pretty much the worst thing that can ever happen. I hate every single part of it. I always think I’m going to die when I’m vomiting.

Which is why it cracked me up when I learned that he threw up while taking care of one of Rose’s horrible accidents. My mom was in town visiting and both of us were horrified for him that the poop made him throw up. He didn’t even make it to the toilet. He threw up on the floor right next to the toilet. I haven’t not made it to the bathroom since I was a little kid.

“But I only threw up a little,” he said.

Throwing up “only a little” clearly makes the incident far less horrible somehow.

Whatever the case, it’s possible that the drama of seeing that her poop made Daddy throw up MAY have triggered Rose into putting her next poop in the potty. I suppose a little throw up was worth it if that’s what’s getting Rose potty trained, but I’m glad I’m not the one who had to make the deposit.

In fact, I’m “not allowed” to potty train anymore. Dr. Toy Warden will be potty training Violet. Man, am I ever disappointed.


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The Nightmare Strikes

Well, the girls FINALLY got what I HOPE was MY stomach flu because otherwise I’m probably about to get stomach flu for the second time in two weeks while pregnant. Now, as we all know stomach flu is no fun, but I can tell you from experience that it is like 10 times worse when you are pregnant. Recovery is super slow and your morning sickness returns for a week or so. Not good.

Lily’s stomach flu episode happened in a way that made me feel like a horrible demon mother. She was picking up her toys SUPER DUPER slow and I was ragging on her big time to speed it up and clean already. What was her problem anyway? Just pick up the damn crayons, already.

Aside from moving slowly and seemingly ignoring my requests, she seemed fine.

And then she threw up. While I was yelling at her.


Instructions have been issued to ALWAYS tell Mommy and Daddy when you don’t feel well. I never would have made her clean if I knew she was sick, let alone yell at her for moving slowly! She was moving slowly because she felt like crap.

Total Worst Mom Moment.

Luckily her tummy bug was short-lived. There was only one vomit episode, a brief fever and she was pretty much ok by the next day.

Flash forward to 3 am Tuesday morning. Rose was sleeping in our bed. I usually discourage this because it tends to go something like this cartoon that’s been making it’s way around facebook.



(You can click on the image to see the whole thing. I’m not sure how to resize from pinterest.)

Yep. Rose prefers the “H is for Hell” position with a dash of “Jazz Hands”.

The only reason I let her in my bed that night was because she had napped SUPER late and was fighting going to bed in her own bed. I thought she’d probably fall asleep easier if she was with me or at least I’d know where she was! Things went better than usual for us co-sleeping. Usually she wakes me up by kicking me 10 zillion times.

I hadn’t heard a peep when at 3 am she started whimpering and then the big explosion happened. On me. On the sheets. On our dry-clean only comforter. Ugh. 3 am.

Just another reason to hate co-sleeping.

I guess at least we were there to help her right away? Ew.

So far her bug is going like Lily’s did — one vomit episode, quick recovery so we were lucky there.

But as I said before every kid puke incident makes you question your sanity in becoming a parent. Right now I’m terrified of what happens when there are three tummy bugs to get over! It’s going to happen someday, you know. Someday, all three of my children will explode and I will want to run screaming in terror, but it will be MY job to clean it all up and comfort everyone.

What was I thinking? ;)


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On Stomach Flu

I had stomach flu (or food poisoning, I suppose, but I did have a fever…) Sunday and am still a little sluggish from it as of Tuesday night. So far, the girls have not caught the bug, which is such a relief, half because I don’t want them to be miserable and half because I don’t want to deal with the clean-up.

Actually, I might be more not want them to be sick because of the mess than because I don’t want them to be miserable. Does this make me a bad parent? Maybe. But if you’ve ever found a toddler covered in puke holding out her arms crying to be hugged by you, you know what I mean. It’s disgusting and awful and nothing anyone should ever have to do.

Unfortunately, if you are a parent, this is one of things that come with it along with the poop up to their neck phenomenon that happens with great frequency when they are breastfeeding, but is more horrific when they are 100% on solids and cow’s milk.

Kids are gross.

I’ve been hoping to toilet train 4-year-old Lily for vomit for a good two years now, but unfortunately it hasn’t happened. Actually, this is partially due to the luck of her only having stomach flu about once a year, so I shouldn’t complain. She hasn’t made it to the toilet because she hasn’t had enough practice with puke to know beforehand that it’s about to happen. I guess this is a good thing. Except it’s a totally gross and awful thing that makes you question your sanity in ever choosing to have children.

It is so gross. There is nothing more horrible that cleaning puke out of the carpet/couch/blankets/clothing. I wish there was a way to make this easier.


Before I realized I was battling stomach flu and not just nauseated and crampy, I told my husband “I think I’m going to throw up.” (A required statement before you go running to the toilet.)

And Lily immediately yelled “Mommy! You need to put it in the potty!”

If I hadn’t been on my way to throw up at that moment, I would have laughed.

At least she gets the concept of throwing up in the toilet. If only she could figure out how to get the vomit in the toilet without any more practice.

Someday, somehow, I’m sure she’ll get to the point where all or most of the vomit ends up in the right place. I mean, we all get here somehow. If only there was a magical way that this happened from the beginning so none of us ever had to stomach cleaning up a bawling, puke-covered child.

So far, we have dodged it this week, but I know it’s coming to get us again soon and when it does… I won’t be ready for it.



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